i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
