That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
