I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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