I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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