I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
