Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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