I just saw a hot homeless man
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
