Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
