just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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