I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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