foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
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