If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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