He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
