Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
