a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
