While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
