Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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