We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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