Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
