my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
