I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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