im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
