i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
