what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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