I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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