Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
