I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize