Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
