our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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