you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
As shirtless as possible
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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