this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
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