so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
