Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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