Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
