Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
