that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
