Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize