remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
