Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
