Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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