i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
