So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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