I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
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