My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
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I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
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Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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