you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
