Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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