what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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