he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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