What a fucking waste of an outfit
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
