I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
