so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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