best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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