if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Your mouth is God's brothel.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm getting married
To pizza
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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