And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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