Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
