Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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