just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
