oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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