I just cut my nipple shaving
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Dicks are not precious.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
