No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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