Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
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walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
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STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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