im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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