my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
