We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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