You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
