her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
