i permit you to call me
this just has baby written all over it
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
