I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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