apparently the secret to your success is patron
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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