But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
