I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
