some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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