Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
