I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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